Recently, there's been a lot and I mean a lot going on in my personal life, ministry life, and church life. I can not even tell you how much is going on in this short post. Summer is my busiest time of year with end of school activities, planning summer camp, planning our youth trip, and trying to bolster up other ministries.
I know the call on my life as clear as anyone possibly could. For over twelve years, the call on my life has been to reach the children wherever I lived. Stepping out in obedience to God's call isn't always easy. It comes with criticism from those you think are for you. To think, I could have opposition from those I just want to work with! Sounds a lot like Jesus huh? John 1:11-13 says, "He came unto his own, and his own received him not. But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: which were born, not of blood, not of the will of the flesh, nor the will of man, but of God."
I know without a doubt I am one of God's children! How much hope do I have in that verse?! I know that what I am feeling can not compare to what Jesus felt, but I understand what it feels like to feel spurned by the people that are yours.
Currently, I am following God's call in a big way and it has people questioning me. It's hard to not sound arrogant and tell people, "If you're questioning me, you're questioning God." That's the beautiful thing about God, though, I can give this battle to Him, because it belongs to Him. When we are doing what we are called to do, there will be opposition. I could sit and let that weigh me down, or I can be emboldened by it knowing I am trudging in the right direction.
I awoke this morning at 2:30am and just could not sleep. I had had a conversation the earlier evening about what I am doing and how people were questioning my loyalty to the church. I was upset and worried about the criticism I would be facing. The truth is though, God does not invoke those feelings, the enemy does and he uses what will stir us up in worry. I prayed and talked to my Father in Heaven.
As I lay in bed thinking about all the good that was going on and how God was moving, those icky feelings started to go away. I even had the audacity to question God for a minute and asked, "Am I seriously created for a time such as this??? If this is your will God, why does it hurt so much? Why is it so hard?"
As God does, He gently and lovingly reprimanded me. God reminded me that the church is not a building. It is not a single religion. It's all of God's chosen people. He pushed me to look closer at this verse we so often quote out of Esther. We use this verse as anthem and so often; a pep talk to help us get through hard things. As I reread a story I've read a hundred times, I noticed something that we too often overlook.
Let's read the scripture together:
Esther 4:13-14
"Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, 'Do not imagine that you in the king's palace can escape any more than all the Jews. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place and you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?'"
Esther was actually being scolded by her uncle. She had gotten too comfortable in the palace and let's be honest, she was worried about her own life. We all are guilty of having that "self-preserving" mindset. We can not embrace tranquility over righteousness. After-all, we are at war everyday. Mordecai was pointing out to Esther that she was living large and embracing her royalty over righteousness. Even after being scolded though, Mordecai said she had been chosen ! Chosen to set her own self-interests, ambitions, and self-preservation aside and face her enemy face to face.
The true meaning of "for such a time as this" is a challenge. It was a challenge to risk her life and lineage with no guarantee that the outcome would be one she would want.
I feel like that's a challenge that is set before me also at this time in my life. Yes, I was created "for such a time as this." God has a clear purpose for my life and I can not expect to not get battered and bruised when I am at war and facing my enemy face to face. God has given us all gifts that further His kingdom and with those gifts comes our job assignment or call. God did not put us in places of comfort so we could sit all day and just post on social media how great everything is. He placed us where we are so we can fight the good fight and stand up and lead His people.
If we are too caught-up in what we feel people should be doing for us or feel about the work we are doing or worse get caught up in our personal castle, we will miss God's Call on our life. We will miss our kingdom assignment. How horrific is it when that happens? What would have happened if Esther was too caught up in her own comfort and fear for her life? An entire people would have been slaughtered! To think she has a book in the Bible named after her! How many souls will perish if we too worry about our own personal status or how we are recieved? We do not save people, God does that, but we are called to show them the way. We are called to boldy stand in the gap for our people, even if they can not fully see the vision and body of work God has for us.
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